11. You might as well have legitimate tears in your eyes when I kick your ass at guitar hero.
10. You "conveniently" twist your ankle just before I beat you at the longest game of around the world ever.
9. Did I mention I beat you in a sudden death Tiger Woods golf playoff? Don't try and hide it. When you had to go to the bathroom right after, I swear I heard weeping.
8. The sole purpose of the Valentines Day present you bought me was to get me drunk.
7. The one day I don't make you tea your whole world is turned upside down. Everyone knows how fucking easy it is to make tea.
6. It takes you three days to decide to purchase a pair of kick ass pants that are already 80% off the MSRP. What more do you want? Buy the fucking pants already!! Better yet buy two pairs they're pants I promise you'll wear them and if you don't I will. Baby loves those pants.
5. You constantly make me wear my seat belt. I hate seat belts. They're bullshit and they exponentially diminish the cool rebel thing I've got going on.
4. You scold me when I swear in front of 10 year olds. They're going to hear it anyways might as well be from me.
3. A 2 foot tall 5 year old knocked you out. Nuff said you know what I'm talking about old guy.
2. You wouldn't let me kick that chicks ass that waited for me to go to the bathroom to hit on you. "Baby I was just looking for the other half of this bottle!"
1. Your room mate has the flu and you quarantine me in your room for like a week and when you do let me venture out of the barracks I have to wash my hands like thirty times..... then you tell me NOT to touch my face, which effectively just makes me want to touch my eyes, nose and mouth ten times more than if you hadn't said anything at all. The worst part is that you know that and I'm pretty sure you just say it now to fuck with me. Not cool baby, not cool.
- erin
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