Look who found the [bold] and [ital] buttons!

And I quote...

"I don't give a shit fuck it."

Smooth. Singlesentencely – boldy, italically, unpunctuationally – you have earned our blog an "R" rating. Fucking great move.

Of course, it's only typical.

You only dropped the F-bomb 13 times in the first quarter at the Celtics game last week. If I were the father of the 10-year-old sitting in front of us, I would have punched you in the funbags. I would also wash your mouth out with soap tonight, but I only have one bar left, and I don't want to clean myself tomorrow morning with a Zestfully bar of shit.

If you're still trying to figure out why your cat is on Prozac, here's a hint: You curse worse than me, like a construction worker with a wrecking ball heading straight for his balls. How 'bout the next time your roommate's dog jumps on your bed, you just say something like, "Get off my bed, you silly dog!" instead of, "Get the fuck off my bed, fucking stupid dogfuck fuckdog."

I'd be on Prozac, too. (Actually, since we've only been together a little while, I probably shouldn't even make that joke. Yay, future!)

Best part is that you like to pretend you're an angel. Today when I texted you, "Seriously we are getting hooked the fuck up" for our trip this weekend, you wrote back "You are such a big deal! I love you..." and you expected me to take that innocently.

No one has ever said "You are such a big deal!" and actually meant it. You are such a big douchebag.

I wrote back, "I wasn't trying to fucking sound cocky." You responded, "You can't infer tone on a text I wasn't being sarcastic I was trying to be cute."

Infer this: Eat me.

– ERIC